ever just want to get away?

Well thats how I'm feeling right now, but not in the way i have been. Right now i want to get away for a fun walk in the middle of the night. I wanna be a lil girlie and a lil boyish and all me. Recently though it's been get away away, and I almost got it but circumstances almost got me down, they did get me down, real down actually. The important thing is that I realized I have friends and there is hope. More than hope, there is a world out there waiting for me right now and all I have to do is stretch my arm out and take it, because there is life daily. There is the amazement this world has to offer by the heaping scoop full as every drop of flowing sunlight pours into my heart through the window of opportunity we call the here and the now. I could have gone to michigan recently, and could have gone to oregon, and could have rode a train. I could have also won the lottery or died. But I didn't. There were also a million things I missed while I was focusing on what I couldn't do. The 3 things I couldn't do. Yep. Thats right. So people, remember the sun, and enjoy the rain, because without the rain there is no sun...just clouds. Without the sun AND the rain nothing grows. Without growth nothing lives. We all want to grow.

Clothing...a complete double standard.

I don't know if I've posted this before but I'm going to do it again. It's about clothing, a double standard between men and women. I'm no man but i feel the effects the same. Women are allowed to wear mens pants, shoes, shirts, everything. Think nothing of it. If things are the other way around people have a fit. If I even go into the womens department and start shopping people nearly have a fit, not to mention wearing the stuff. Actually I think they have less of a fit when I shop victorias secret for under things...funny that.

been putting a lot of time into forgetting

So I've been putting a lot of time into forgetting my situation, and frankly even my gender. I've only recently realized this as a friend pulled me from what was a self described "freefall". I've had a problem with this, it's working a little too well. So if you see me out and about don't forget to treat me as a gf, even if I don't act it, we all have a certain way we love to be treated and that is me. Call me a she and open doors for me. Whatever you do, make it something to remind me of me genderfluid nature. We all forget who we are at some point and this is my turn apparently. Your gf, Colby

breaking bonds

Sometimes life throws you a curve ball, and it's difficult to understand, or see it coming. Sometimes it smacks you right in the face and you don't even get the chance to blink. I'm getting the second one. Today I know that I'm going to have to break bonds I never wanted to break, in a way I thought I had already done, but apparently I won't, or haven't let myself. Family. My blood family. At least my two parents need to be left alone. I can't be there at all. Not even a stranger to them. I have to dissappear into the air as if I didn't exist, and maybe some day they will remember the good I brought. I have a sister though and she loves me...fighting with me right now but she loves me. My true family does not lie in my parents though. My family, all of our families lie in who we choose, and in realizing this I am forging my own family, and even conciously making the effort, building a sort of poly family. This poly family will be my only family really, save for my 2 best friends that nothing and no one could ever replace. Nick and Chris you truly are saints. Whoever runs this world .... Karma, God, Allah, Dianna WTF ever...I hope you are blessed. Anyhow I'm rather rushed and have to get ready for work. A large part of my freedom is dependant on this job, and therefore my happiness.