Ok so...sister might be catching on???

we were watching tv today, something in conversation came up and i mentioned I had discovered the wonders of baths with candles and all the goodies. My sister was all how gay can you get, you wear guy liner, you wear man prees (male capris? they exist?)" or something similar...sis when you someday read this don't quote me on it. Anyway, then I said "yeah so" and told her that I know she loves me no matter what. She said "then come out of the closet already" totally all nonchalant like. I love my sister, she's a smart girl...she'll start catching on without me ever telling her. I have a feeling we will be having the gay talk and I'll insert the genderfluid talk into the whole thing, real soon like. She'll be as cool as a cucumber. She loves me. I feel all warm and fuzzy. I want shoes. LOL. I did laugh the whole thing off but I think it was pretty obvious. Yay for fun. Heh. Then I can get away with putting on make up or a dress when I want...or mixing clothing...said I liked

random convo in chat.

Ok so I realized that this is perfect for this blog in the middle of a chat.

Guest_tech53: i'm genderfluid
other guy: i wish i could be as comfortable as you
other guy: abotu yourself
Guest_tech53: its not always easy
Guest_tech53: did ya read the blog?
Guest_tech53: the best thing to remember is that you are here on this earth to be you
Guest_tech53: if you're religious (any religion) it means you were beautifully and wonderfully made...to be YOU
Guest_tech53: SAM
Guest_tech53: ahemm
other guy: i'm reading it
Guest_tech53: and you can't be happy if you're not happy with yourself
Guest_tech53: so i figured the people that mattered would accept me, my circle (I thought) would get smaller but they would be the important ones...I'm finding my circle is ever widening
other guy: i'm trying to be lol
Guest_tech53: people like a person who is ok with theirself, and a lot more than you would think recognize the rest as assholes
Guest_tech53: omg...that was a blog post.

random convo in chat.

Ok so I realized that this is perfect for this blog in the middle of a chat.

Guest_tech53: i'm genderfluid
other guy: i wish i could be as comfortable as you
other guy: abotu yourself
Guest_tech53: its not always easy
Guest_tech53: did ya read the blog?
Guest_tech53: the best thing to remember is that you are here on this earth to be you
Guest_tech53: if you're religious (any religion) it means you were beautifully and wonderfully made...to be YOU
Guest_tech53: SAM
Guest_tech53: ahemm
other guy: i'm reading it
Guest_tech53: and you can't be happy if you're not happy with yourself
Guest_tech53: so i figured the people that mattered would accept me, my circle (I thought) would get smaller but they would be the important ones...I'm finding my circle is ever widening
other guy: i'm trying to be lol
Guest_tech53: people like a person who is ok with theirself, and a lot more than you would think recognize the rest as assholes
Guest_tech53: omg...that was a blog post.

genderqueer in office?

"Rasmussen is a 60-year-old native Silvertonian who’s been a small business owner for most of his adult life, and a public servant in his beloved hometown for going on two decades. He served two consecutive terms as Silverton’s mayor, in 1988 and 1990, when he still dressed exclusively as a male." Reads an article in "Just Out" ... this is an article I read when I was first learning the difference between genders, mostly the non male and female ones. The article goes on to talk about his political career. In another article on megdaly he mentions that “This is something that could be done anywhere,” he says. “People are people everywhere. ” in the same article he is identfied as a genderqueer, and I begin to think that maybe this really can happen anywhere, maybe we can be accepted. It's encouraging to see this. Most importantly we are being represented in office, and being seen, not for trans, and not for male, or lesbian, or whatever, but what we are. This is a big thing for gf and genderqueers everywhere.

so i got to tell another friend!

Call me weird my friends, but I enjoy "coming out" to my friends. It's kind of a freeing experience, never getting old and always uplifting. My friends are always understanding and accepting, I guess that is due to good choices in friends. Telling them is one of those things that simply lets me know there is one more thing to be happy about, it heaps on support and always reinforces my faith in my friends. I think there should be a book on how to come out, that totally focuses on how awesome it is! Coming book maybe??? Meh...I'd just be vomiting all over the page about how great it is, lol. Nehoo, thanks Dani for being a friend! Thanks Nick! Thanks Chris! Thanks to all of my friends!

staying with parents to recover a bit...is it recovery?

So I am staying with the parents for a bit to recover a bit, thought I am completely unable to be myself. I am forced to shove myself beyond being in the closet daily and act as if my gender and sexuality didn't exist. My dad knows, sister may have figured out something...not sure, and mom knows of my sexuality only. I am only allowed to act as a straight male. I am beginning to wonder if it would be better to find a shelter or halfway house to stay in. There I would most likely be forced into another role too though. The homeless are afforded very few rights.

difficulty dating

I have not yet to navigate the hurdles of the dating world as a gf. Some freak out and think I am a freak... Don't want them anyhow. Others are just turned off... Wouldn't want to be in a relationship with them but some of them represent great fuck buddies. Some are ok with it, while yet others fetishize it. You can see where there are a few hurdles to jump. Right now all I want is play partners so I wonder whenni should bring it up. I do the online thing so I also run across "should I put it in my profile?" this limits my prospect pool, but does a few, albeit usually far better matches. I am currently wincing and taking the hit as I choose not to explain my gender in my profile... Maybe I will do so in conversation... Laterz! Colby

Trying to promote the site.

Trying to promote the blog, linking on myspace and other sites, link the site and post if you can, any help is appreciated.

Diary of a gender fluid first post!

So this is my story, my chronicle, and my biography...my struggles and life as a gf (gender fluid)(at least those I choose to share with the world). I hope to help others. My name is Colby and I discovered I am not what I thought I was a few months ago. I am not a man - or a boy even. I'm not a girl. I am a gender fluid, biologically male, I am a genderfluid. A gender which is like transgender in the fact that we believe we are fully gender fluid, just as if you asked a male to female trans gender person their gender they would confidently tell you female, and that is how they identify. Well I identify as gf. This means going back and forth between more "male like" or "female like" tendancies and mixes of them, and even tendencies that could be described as neither...something entirely different. Also feeling as such and dressing as such. This does not make us cross dressers or anything of the like. We are people just like anyone else, desiring to be ourselves in life everywhere, out with friends, family, at home, and the workplace. Not just when we go to the club. As you can imagine this can be hard....but...so goes life. Everyone has their struggles and I don't mean to belittle anyone elses as any less than my own. So off I go. I may come back rather soon to post something else that is on my mind, and please leave a comment if you are or think you may be gender fluid, or are curious about the concept.