had a brief masculine spurt

...so yeah I had a brief masculine spurt, oh, and I'm back at moms. Nehoo, started feeling femme again last night and I go to talk to this person on the phone about getting my W-2 documents and I end up having a 10 minute conversation as "Miss" I was soo happy! Very excited I did a little dance and let out a squeal after I got off the phone. I'm being VERY under the radar because I have nobody to go to right now...not that I can get to, and it's so cold I don't think I could survive, not yet, I've not gotten sufficient survival cold weather training.

Today on the ABC "What would you do" television show they had an instance in which a young boy was in a toy store trying to get his dad to buy him a barbie doll, and then dressed up in a princess dress. These were the actors, and they also had an actor playing the biggot antagonist. In every shown situation someone spoke up with something to the effect of "none of your business" or "so what" in one situation an older lady mentioned so what if he DOES grow up to have an alternate gender identity or be gay, it's not her place to judge, not even the parents place. Whatever makes you happy was the general idea. I felt so absolutely vindicated by this. Given most of these people were women, but men chimed in too. Hell, even if we can get only women to stand up for us, we've come a long way. I was watching this with my dad, and couldn't stop smiling, my mother made a comment on something later that night when she got home, after which I related the story and felt very vindicated. Yes. Vindicated is the word here. The word and the theme. Shortly after I saw the show I posted a comment on the show forum online and sent a thank you message to abc for the show, explaining things. I truly hope they get it. Maybe some day they will do a show on genderfluids. Maybe just ANYBODY that walks outside in "the wrong clothes". Wouldn't that get peoples attention...

haven't done this in a while

so I'm about to go shopping for things to turn a shed into a livable space with a friend...and I'm leaving the house in daylight in a skirt, pretty top, and foam breasts...makeup, etc. I decided I'm done being someone else. I'm being thrown out in a few days and I'm going to be me. I'm going to do what I have to do to be me but by god I'm going to be me. No more bullshit. I am more than just someones toy, or their jar of clay. I'm a human. An individual. Someone who can't be bought, persuaded, or changed. I decide when or if I change. So now I sit here ready to go to the hardware store as girly me. Fuck the hardware store, fuck mom and dad, hell if my friend taking me doesn't like it fuck him too! (as a side note he's not that type of person) I'm my own person and no longer heed other's thoughts on who they think I should be. If some day I decide I need surgery for something or another I'll do it. If some day I decide I don't...I won't. If I decide I want to work here or there i will. If I decide to live a wonderful life I will. I'm amazing. Just watch and see. I'll love you. Just wait and see. There are things I can do that nobody in the world could dream of...just try to do them...you will see. I am an awesome, amazing, wonderful creature who is not a mistake, not WRONG, not MESSED UP IN THE HEAD, not EVIL, and not FULL OF THE DEVIL. I'm always going to be me and always going to be this great person. If you MOTHER don't like it...it doesn't matter. It simply doesn't matter. It won't change anything. It won't take my happiness. It won't take my self esteem. It won't take my confidence. It won't make me depressed. It won't take my home. It won't effect my identity. It won't do ANYTHING. It just won't matter. It will slip away like dust in the wind, never to be seen again. Negative words will not affect me any more. Especially those from my parents. This struggle is over. I have won. Now it's in my past. I love you all. Thank you for reading.

a nice little video

here is something for all of you, something to think on...

Went sailing...

From time to time you meet a few really cool people, I think I met a few recently. One of which took me sailing the other fed me home made pizza! This particular man and his wife were pretty cool to me over the last few days, and have made me realize a few things. One of these is that I've begun to be less than ok with who I am, over the last few months. I was thinking the other day that I really felt like dressing this way or that, in a rather genderfluid fashion, very feminine, wanting to wear my black an d white floral skirt. Well I didn't because I was worried they wouldn't be ok with it or would be weirded out or something. I had as much as gotten a free pass to dress and act as I want...which I shouldn't need a pass for anyhow, I am who I am. So I didn't wear what I wanted. Kind of dumb, obsessing about clothing, but it was more of the freedom to be me that i was obsessing about rather than the clothing. Here I am reverting back to "is it ok to be me" again...instead of saying "I have the right to be me". Thank you Dan for helping me realize this, I needed a reality check, and someone to point out that it is in fact ok to be me, and I have the right to do so.

a new poem

My beautiful mind where are you now?
Are you sleeping or playing somehow?

Where have you gone and when will you be back?
Will I think forever on this silly thought track?

For my beautiful mind isn't my own, it's that of my partner, whom I've never known.
A streak in the sky across the night oh so bright
A shooting star as it falls...
up

For my beatuful mind is something they say is not possible,
Something so wonderful, so kind and true...
The idea for most is quite implausible
For I know the impossiblility of these impossible things

YOU sit on my bed while i drip, drip, slip into reality feigned
A new way to see your set truth free.
You set this life afire deep inside of me.
I'll never look back, you've shown me a world, where people can love
where life springs from every word
revolutionaries set free, their service uneeded
In this world you've shown me, love is reality

So sleep in my bed
Wrapped in dreams so tight
And until I find you,
Give me comfort
Keep me warm

Copyright 2010 Colby Stratton

also, there is an edit that changes the idea of the ending...

So I sleep in my bed
Wrapped in dreams so tight
And until I find you,
Give me comfort
Keep me warm

funny how one word changes everything huh?
Remember that next time you are speaking with your loved ones.

Derivative ending copyright 2010 Colby Stratton

edit

soooo......

I got to meet this wonderful girl and her bf about a place to stay recently, I am possibly going to be getting a room with them if I can get a job close...shouldn't be hard to do. I'm hoping for sprint though, they are hiring and start at 13 an hour. It doesn't hurt that the girl I met is hot and has a thing for trans and gf types. We'll be great friends. It also doesn't hurt that her and her bf are lifestyle and I found out I know her bf. He's pretty cool. Anywhoo the radio calls...as does work.

Party...

So I went to a party, enjoyed it quite a bit. The thing is, the party was of a military sort, with a military friend, on base. I enjoyed the party immensely btw...military guys are great when drunk...it's just their nature. Went with a friend, she and I are ...well...well aquainted. Played nice the whole night, which was strange for me. I felt out of place a bit and was watching my every word because I didn't want to say something out of line or that would cause problems with his military friends and stuff. So I was rather guarded. Didn't get to kick back and let loose as much as I'd have liked. I got some good laughs and enjoyed myself though, I am just curious if anyone else has been there, where I was tonight. I found it strange. Didn't kiss the girl till the end of the night, even though with a few good moves I'd have probably gotten a kiss...or maybe a bit more, give that we knew each other in that way already, but i was guarded. Guess I need to learn how to guard one part of me but not the rest. This was theraputic.